Attempts, Dreams, Aspirations and Endeavors--supporting your Spouse in every circumstance.

Today I took a look at a long-discussed, oft-mentioned, and quite-aggravated topic of my husband: the seeming attempt to belittle and criticize the United States male. Hollywood does it; my girlfriends do it, acquaintances do it, and yes, it would seem that at times, I do it, as well. What is this dubious pastime, and has it always seemed to be around? Why does it appear more often today?

I lived across the street from a young, 21 year-old woman and the parents who shared their home years ago. This older gentleman was witty, spry, and filled with country wisdom, but for some reason, his daughter would correct and criticize him for numerous reasons, which I did not find to be very respectful and certainly not very commendable.

Perhaps she felt as if she was old enough to do so, or that her Daddy was an old “Fuddy Duddy”.

My Dad once said that it’s amazing how much wiser your Daddy appears to be when you, yourself, get a little older…when you’re young, he doesn’t seem to have a brain in his head! Life’s experiences give us insight into many things….

I remember that when I was going through a divorce, after years of being away from home, I sat down to share my predicament and the circumstances of my separation at the time with this same elderly gentleman…only this time, the poor man was dying of cancer. He was so gentle and supportive, and wistful, his eyes still twinkling as they always had, because he had Jesus. He was such a good listener. The very fact that I was indeed getting a divorce he never judged. He was only kind and gave me good advice; his faith never wavered.

In the same way my Dad has been a good listener, provider, and friend, as well as my husband, who has also been a great provider, teacher and problem-solver in my life. Pastor Tom wins the blue ribbon for the ultimate in problem-solving and making my life that much more comfortable and enjoyable--worth living! I truly appreciate the two most prominent men in my life today.

After chapel service tonight, my friend and I discussed the difference between how men think and how women think. There should be no comparisons; men are definitely from Mars, and women are from Venus! JK

No, as woman is made from man, so they should operate together in the marriage.  

When a woman starts to work it causes conflict, according to my husband.  Given all the scenarios we can consider—one-parent homes, broken homes, wife staying home, etc, what does it mean for a man when his wife comes home and tries to budget and have a say in what the money, part of which she earns, is spent? Is that emaciating for the man? It need not be.

 What if the woman has, indeed, belittled her husband and he now has no self-esteem? Will she suddenly be left with children to raise alone? Some have thicker skin than others, or so it would seem. But it’s best not to make a practice of taking either spouse lightly or dismissing them, wouldn’t you agree?  

“This is the main reason marriages don’t work”, my husband says, “The man and woman enter into the Covenant seeking to offer 50/50 per cent, when it has to be ALL you’ve got.”

 I remember feeling so badly for my neighbor because I understood the hierarchy—the facts: God the Father first, Jesus Christ, and Man, then his wife, and then the children, in that order. This was perfectly sound and Godly for my generation.

But the Media sold us a raw deal when it said that men needed us in the War effort in WW2. Maybe such a thing was good, but unfortunately, many women did not return to nurture the family unit after the war. Women learned to take the place of men.  Women were liberated far before the 70’s. The genie was let out of the bottle and women began their long trek into the work zone and the “independence” movement. The more the woman had to labor and to be in labor the worst the criticisms got in areas of men and their role as Fathers, husbands, and laborers. Was this a resentment? Did the woman want what she could not have any longer? Or only more of what the world had to offer? It differs from person to person.

Unleash the drug and alcohol “enigma”—the equal-opportunity destroyer--the plague that contributed to the loss of support women began to experience over the decades. Divorce and abortion also began to eat up the family unit, and the woman began to bear the weight of her life on her fragile shoulders. The weaker sex now was being portrayed as smarter, stronger, “anything you can to I can do better” in movies and the media, once again. And the women fell for it.

Now we are smarter and wiser and more polished than ever, but everything’s all out of whack. Where ARE the FATHERS?

I guess if you belittled me and my dreams, fought me at every turn, and gave me every worry that the world can offer, I’d leave, too.

Lisa Bevere said that women are the “keepers of the heart”, that emotions and feelings of your spouse are to be handled with care, not belittled and ignored, forced to lie dormant in their hearts. Stuffing your feelings will lead to drug use and alcoholism, and some of it is just as much our fault as it is human nature: we feel sorry for ourselves. How many times did I, in my addiction, say, “I’m going to tie one on tonight; I deserve it! It’s been a long, hard day.” This is the general picture.

But men, I say, are reviving in this country. The movie, “Courageous” is a great family film that will inspire your spouse and give him a new outlook on the great need of the family for headship and guidance, someone in the rightful position to take responsibility for all that he loves.

Once you pray and ask God’s guidance, bury the hatchet with your spouse today. You have a marriage worth saving. God is getting ready to do something good in your life! Meet Him halfway. The happy spouse is dying to come out of each of us; all we need do is to encourage, pray for, lift up, and brag on, our loved one. And when sharp words get uttered and muttered, don’t return the favor. This goes a long way in the “peace” department.

Ephesians 5:33 simply instructs the wife to “respect” her husband.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Ephesians 5:25

Be Blessed.

TR